I got bored and got it into my head that I was tired of the Microsoft monopoly on operating systems and decided to switch to a version of Linux which is free and won’t set you back $300. It is what they call Open Source Code which means no licenses, you can do with it what you wish, even going so far as to create your own version like mine that was derived by a guy in Ireland from another “distribution.” So, now I am stuck in Command Line world. I love learning computer programming, but man, it is hard. I could never be a computer scientist. I tried. The math was too hard, and I have always been good at math. So, I gave that dream up. Sometimes you just have to face reality.
I also think my therapist is angry with me. i cancelled two appointments in a row, and she hasn’t called me, and I haven’t called her. Mostly because I am afraid she is mad at me. I hate people being mad, period. It is counterproductive even though everyone gets that way sometimes. I am actually finding that taking a hiatus from therapy is a bit refreshing. I get tired of talking about everything that is going wrong. And, I actually feel better than I have in a long time. I mean, stuff still bugs me, but I haven’t gone off the deep end. I do not appear to be having mood swings which makes me wonder if the therapy wasn’t in some way responsible for the mood swings. I mean, I haven’t felt overwhelmingly sad or happy or depressed or manic. Sure there are things I would like to change about my life, but I do not know if therapy is the answer anymore. I seemed angrier when I was in therapy. This doesn’t mean I’ll give it up altogether provided she will still see me, but I would like to scale it down a bit. Hmmm……. interesting notion. and on that note, I leave you with a quote; one of my favorites from The Doors.
“…and your brain seems bruised with numb surprise…”