Changed To A New Domain

The new domain for what used to be A Bipolar Journey Through The Rabbit Hole is now “Bipolar Moments” at morninglemon.net. Hopefully, this will solve the problem as I can’t seem to find any other hosting site that had what I wanted. So, if you do not mind changing the URL, I would appreciate it.

songothesirens

Starting To Get A Little Annoyed

Well, I finally broke down, or should I say was not so completely broke, and bought a new domain name. This was about 3 hours ago. It still doesn’t work. I can barely do anything except post, but I cannot see them because my screen goes dark. Then it informs me that my domain name expired 69 days ago. Like I didn’t know. So, hopefully (fingers crossed) the new domain will kick in and I can use my blog again. I have been having severe blog withdrawals, and it would be nice to post and share with people again. The new domain (should it ever work) is http://songtothesirens.net. We shall see! In the meantime, I hope everyone is well or as well as they can be, and I really miss my WordPress “family”.

One Of My Favorite "Break Up" Songs

I am still having a bit of difficulty getting my subconscious to get over my last relationship which pretty much fucked my whole self-image, and what I expect from a relationship. Now it is seeping into my conscious. Not good. I am not used to being or feeling loved. That was not what mt marriage was about. I was there to cook, clean, and ignore my husband’s little habit. Meanwhile, he thinks our divorce was mutual and blames me for having bipolar disorder which is his excuse for why it didn’t work. No, it was not my having bipolar disorder; it was his propensity for spending entire days and sometimes nights watching weird internet porn. This is a habit he continues to this day. That’s why I divorced him. He was abusive emotionally and mentally, and I am pretty sure has attachment disorder. 

So anyway, one of my favorite songs about being the rebound relationship: Everclear “Santa Monica”

One Of My Favorite “Break Up” Songs

I am still having a bit of difficulty getting my subconscious to get over my last relationship which pretty much fucked my whole self-image, and what I expect from a relationship. Now it is seeping into my conscious. Not good. I am not used to being or feeling loved. That was not what mt marriage was about. I was there to cook, clean, and ignore my husband’s little habit. Meanwhile, he thinks our divorce was mutual and blames me for having bipolar disorder which is his excuse for why it didn’t work. No, it was not my having bipolar disorder; it was his propensity for spending entire days and sometimes nights watching weird internet porn. This is a habit he continues to this day. That’s why I divorced him. He was abusive emotionally and mentally, and I am pretty sure has attachment disorder. 

So anyway, one of my favorite songs about being the rebound relationship: Everclear “Santa Monica”

Ever Feel Like Something May Be Too Good…..

Pink Daisy

I had the oddest dream last night. i had spent the night at my boyfriend’s in an attempt to 1) see him, and 2) to escape my neighbor ( she doesn’t understand that I need a fair amount of people-free time). Anyway, the dream. It was third person and first person so it felt  like I was watching and participating. I do not like that feeling for reasons I will perhaps explain later.

But, this dream was so real, I woke up thinking I was in the dream. I dreamt that I was watching my boyfriend with his former love interest, but at the same time, I was also present. While I know he is a loyal man, and that he loves me, I still have these stupid (okay, I know they are not stupid,;they just feel that way) insecurities and beliefs that have carried over from my marriage.

I was emotionally and verbally abused by my Internet porn-addicted ex-husband. He would watch porn when he knew I was there, and could see it. He also knew I felt it was very disrespectful of me for him to participate in that behavior. He did it any way. Like he didn’t care about me at all.. He never once told me I was beautiful or even pretty, and since he spent 16 to 18 hours a day doing this, I came to believe that I was worthless, ugly, not feminine enough, you name it, I am sure I felt it.

I made a determination at the start of this relationship that I would bring no baggage from my very destructive marriage. It would appear that my subconscious mind has brought the baggage with it. I have always felt a little like the second prize compared to girl #1. Which I do not understand. There is nothing wrong with me, except the Bipolar problem. What I can’t quite work my mind around is whether these thoughts and dreams are a carryover from my marriage, or if my gut is trying to tell me something. I didn’t listen last time, and bad things happened. Hmmmm……..