I just found out through my student loan provider of all sources that my “best” friend no longer wishes to be used as a reference for me. I think that this individual could have at least done me the courtesy of letting me know themselves, but it would appear that mental “interestingness” eats friends without you knowing it. I haven’t even really talked to this person in years so I know that it isn’t the “neediness” factor. It’s not like I am calling this person at midnight when in manic mode, or bawling uncontrollably while in depressive mode. I do not bother anyone with my problems any more. Not since my mom cut me off for a year and a half about 6 or 7 years ago. I was not allowed to call her, go to her house, do laundry at her house, nothing, nada, zip. I learned my lesson, and now I do not bother people because even if they care, they do not want to hear it. Hell, I do not want to hear it, and I have to live with it.
I guess I have more lessons to learn. So much for having a support network. This stupid illness is very alienating. I had a friend, and now I do not have a friend. Well, I guess Christmas time is as good a time as any to learn through a third party that your friend has been eaten. There are many reasons why people do not like this time of year. I suppose I just added a new one. Hmmmmpppphhhh. We had been friends since high school, but I can only assume that the lost friend just doesn’t want to be friends anymore. At least that is the way it appears. Of course, I may be entirely off the mark. I often am, and tend to filter everything through the most negative lens available to me. That’s something to be worked on. I don’t know. Maybe the friendship has outgrown it’s commonalities. My life is nothing like theirs and likewise. So, my illness has consumed another.