Bipolar Disorder Seems To Eat Friends

I just found out through my student loan provider of all sources that my “best” friend no longer wishes to be used as a reference for me. I think that this individual could have at least done me the courtesy of letting me know themselves, but it would appear that mental “interestingness” eats friends without you knowing it. I haven’t even really talked to this person in years so I know that it isn’t the “neediness” factor. It’s not like I am calling this person at midnight when in manic mode, or bawling uncontrollably while in depressive mode. I do not bother anyone with my problems any more. Not since my mom cut me off for a year and a half about 6 or 7 years ago. I was not allowed to call her, go to her house, do laundry at her house, nothing, nada, zip. I learned my lesson, and now I do not bother people because even if they care, they do not want to hear it. Hell, I do not want to hear it, and I have to live with it. 

I guess I have more lessons to learn. So much for having a support network. This stupid illness is very alienating. I had a friend, and now I do not have a friend. Well, I guess Christmas time is as good a time as any to learn through a third party that your friend has been eaten. There are many reasons why people do not like this time of year. I suppose I just added a new one. Hmmmmpppphhhh. We had been friends since high school, but I can only assume that the lost friend just doesn’t want to be friends anymore. At least that is the way it appears. Of course, I may be entirely off the mark. I often am, and tend to filter everything through the most negative lens available to me. That’s something to be worked on. I don’t know. Maybe the friendship has outgrown it’s commonalities. My life is nothing like theirs and likewise. So, my illness has consumed another. 


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  1. What an awful way to find out about your friend. I’m not sure where you live, but are you familiar with DBSA? (depression bipolar support alliance) It’s a peer led support group and a great way to make friends who definitely understand. I highly suggest you look into it and see if there is a group in your area..

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    • There is a group in my area, and I have been once or twice. My main problem is they meet at night, and one bus runs late, but I would have mighty cold and long walk back home. I have Facebook messaged my friend and we have made amends. It was just a misunderstanding. I was just taken aback at learning from a third party rather than my friend. But, Bipolar still does eat people. It is kind of interesting and sad all at the same time. I mean, most of us, if properly managed are not sick most of the time. We are just a little intense :-)

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  2. “I learned my lesson, and now I do not bother people because even if they care, they do not want to hear it. Hell, I do not want to hear it, and I have to live with it.”

    Wow – can I relate to that! I’m sorry this happened to you. Relationships suck with this illness. What a cowardly way for someone to “tell” you they no longer want to be friends.

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    • I think that most people just sort of “drift” away because it is very uncomfortable for them to tell you directly to your face. Unless, of course you are my mother who was very clear about needing space. My father, he’s a drifter. As are most other friends and family. I do not know what it is about this illness that eats friends and family, but maybe I’ll pursue it further and see if any researcher has written about the subject because I am curious about why every Bipolar I have known has relationship problems.

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